Listen…More Carefully

An excerpt from Chad’s book “Thinking Aloud: Reflections on Ethical Leadership”. We hope you enjoy the essay – and perhaps introduce the questions below as a way to start conversations with your teammates. – ELA Team

Get a free PDF version of Chad’s Book, “Thinking Aloud” now at https://ethinact.com/thinking-aloud/.

Listen…More Carefully

My late father used to sum up every election season the same way: “Everybody’s lying, but that’s okay.  Nobody’s listening.”  The more things change, the more they remain the same.  Training leaders not to lie is a pointless exercise.  If the importance of honesty is not obvious, what kind of training would make a difference?  Excellent listening, on the other hand, is a teachable skill and, for some, a lifelong pursuit.

There is no shortage of resources and literature on listening.  I have taught a number of specific techniques over the years, including appreciative and reflective listening.[1]  Becoming a better listener remains a core part of any leadership development program.

About a year ago, I revamped my training segments devoted to listening.  Rather than teach one set of techniques or another, I decided to work with program participants to learn about listening in part by listening to them.  In one group after another, I introduced the concept of listening by starting discussions about its deep power.  Then I asked questions like, “What makes you feel like you are being listened to and heard?”  We reflected on great listeners and effective listening techniques.  We worked together to determine how we would embrace new practices and observe our progress.

The teams and audiences answering these questions have been quite varied, including cops, firefighters, nurses and allied health professionals, accountants, social workers, many groups of business managers, city workers and supervisors, and even a group of 9-year-olds.  The answers, on the other hand, have been remarkably consistent.  The following tips for how to be a great listener appear again and again:

• Be patient; don’t rush to respond.  Don’t finish sentences or cut someone off.  Better yet, absorb what has been said before formulating your response.
• Engage in discussion.  Ask questions. Really respond to what you hear.
• Re-state what you are hearing, and ask for clarification, especially when the topic is complex.
• Recap the conversation afterward, orally or in writing.
• Use body language to show you are listening.  Eye contact, head nodding, open stance.  Show that you are paying attention.

Take action based on the discussion.  People feel listened to when their input leads to specific outcomes.

Independent of these specific words of advice, virtually every group discussion came around to the realization of how challenging good listening really is, and how easy it is to avoid listening well.  Paying attention, listening with an open mind, and communicating that we are listening all require effort and, at times, discipline.  The payoff for that effort is often enormous.

Conversation Starters

Good listening is hard work.  It is also a set of skills worth mastering.

• If we all know how to listen well, why is there so much bad listening going on?
• What challenges do you face in listening really well?
• What ways do you find most effective to practice your listening skills?

At Ethical Leaders in Action we believe that most, if not all people, can develop themselves to play leadership roles in many different spheres both large and small. The foundation of this development process is a short but powerful list of virtues which can be developed and improved through conscious effort. For more information feel free to take the Virtues of Ethical Leadership Self Inventory (VELSI) which breaks these virtues down into features that can be individually developed. The results of the VELSI come with a quick reference guide to help you understand how the virtues and their individual features fit together. https://ethinact.com/velsi/

See a list of other posts in this series at Blog Post Series

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