Ode to Candor

This post is an excerpt from my book “Thinking Aloud.” I am continually reminded of the challenges presented in this essay in the work I do with leaders and and in my own life and work. I hope you enjoy the essay – and perhaps introduce the questions below as a way to start conversations with your teammates. – CAW

I am currently teaching an undergraduate business course, a unit for graduating seniors. In the course of that work, the students asked for some basic guidance. Before we could turn to more strategic matters of enterprise-wide social responsibility, they wanted to consider business ethics from a more personal perspective. We talked about bringing personal values and ethical perspectives to the workplace. We also discussed, in very practical and specific terms, how to talk about ethical issues with superiors, peers, and subordinates. The discussion left me with a renewed appreciation of the power and, sadly, the scarcity of candor in our business lives.

What do we really mean?

Candid communicators speak their minds. Effective leaders do so tactfully, to a degree appropriate to the situation. Honesty is necessary but not sufficient for true candor: an honest speaker may share all or part of what he believes to be true, while a candid speaker shares what she is thinking, what she believes to be true, and why. That’s a high bar, requiring both self-awareness and a keen sense of the situation. It also requires courage, at times, to truly and accurately express thoughts and beliefs. The payoff can be equally high, though. Meetings achieve the best possible outcomes when knowledgeable people share openly. Trust is established because – well, it’s obvious, isn’t it? We tend to trust people who are richly and fully honest with us.

Moreover, a lack of candor can be costly. Years ago, I found myself splitting a week between clients in San Diego and Stamford, Connecticut. Monday and Tuesday, we worked in San Diego, hearing nothing but vaguely positive feedback from that client. We then flew east, and spent the rest of the week being criticized, pointedly and at times profanely, by the second client, who was concerned about the emerging direction of our work. By Friday, my longing for Southern California went well beyond the weather.

However…the San Diego client terminated our work shortly after our sunny sessions, without ever explaining why. An expensive project was shelved at its midpoint. They never returned my calls, emails, and letters. Nobody won. In Connecticut, we changed direction based on the client’s input and successfully completed the project. The products of our work were still in use years later. That level of candor wasn’t comfortable, but it paid off for everyone involved.

Many barriers to communication

Communicating candidly and clearly can be difficult for many reasons. Often, we’re afraid to say what is on our minds, for fear of exposing ourselves to criticism or ridicule. We may pull our punches to avoid embarrassing or offending our friends, or obscure our true beliefs to avoid arming our adversaries. Sometimes discretion is in order; determining the appropriate level of candor can be a delicate process in and of itself. Even when it is appropriate, candid communication requires courage and skill.

The manner of candid communication must be appropriate to the audience. Anthropologist Edward T. Hall and others have described a distinction between high-context and low-context cultures. The distinction is rich and interesting, but for our purposes I will summarize as follows: low-context cultures rely primarily on the words that are spoken; high-context cultures require that speakers and listeners understand a great deal more about the way in which those words are used, by whom, and under what circumstances.

The standard examples of high-context cultures include China, where often what is said in a meeting is less important than who says it, or even where people are seated at the table. I would argue that we need not travel so far to find high-context communication in action. Even in, say, South Dakota, the word “yes,” spoken with a particular hesitation or head tilt, can mean “over my dead body.” I’m told it’s the same in Japan, where a sharp intake of breath means that the word “yes” actually communicates “no way.” Candor is predicated on communicating appropriately for the context.

Candor is worth the effort

We can all play a role in overcoming challenges to clear communication. Speakers can be courageous about sharing what is truly on their minds, and both sensitive and knowledgeable enough to do so in ways which are understood by everyone involved and appropriate to the situation. Listeners likewise can engage all their senses, and interpret what they hear and see based on an enlightened understanding of context. How many times have you misconstrued an email because you couldn’t see a twinkling eye or hear a playful tone of voice?

I learned the hard way in San Diego. In retrospect, it seems likely that I was the only one in the room who was anticipating our next meeting. Whether that misleading communication was a pure lack of candor, or whether the clients were candid but I missed the cues, will never be known. Considerable time and money were wasted as a result.

Establishing and maintaining an environment where people can communicate candidly and respectfully isn’t always easy, but it is worth the effort. Much of the value of a truly diverse working team can be lost if participants cannot openly share ideas and perspectives. The effectiveness of communication across teams or companies can make or break deals. In every business context, the critical element of trust depends upon communication that is richly truthful and mutually clear.

Conversation Starters:

Communicating with appropriate candor is a talent worth developing, and a commitment that is worth maintaining even when it is particularly difficult.

• When is candor particularly challenging for you?
• Can you recognize these challenges and rise to these occasions?
• When you did, how did it work out?

At Ethical Leaders in Action we believe that most, if not all people, can develop themselves to play leadership roles in many different spheres both large and small. The foundation of this development process is a short but powerful list of virtues which can be developed and improved through conscious effort. For more information feel free to take the Virtues of Ethical Leadership Self Inventory (VELSI) which breaks these virtues down into features that can be individually developed. The results of the VELSI come with a quick reference guide to help you understand how the virtues and their individual features fit together. https://ethinact.com/velsi/

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