Leaders Listen

“True” listening can occur only when we are open to the difference and the uniqueness of the other without judgment, blame, or critique. In being and doing so, we are listening ethically. (Harlene Anderson, Taos Institute)

Here are just a few of the examples of challenges your employees are facing, and have been facing, for too many months. Experts describe the current state of the pandemic as a “second wave”, or perhaps just an extension of the “first wave”. News reports claim there is something called “Covid-19 fatigue”…and you think, “no kidding!!”

• People working from home, with “others” (kids, siblings, pets) in the house.
• Parents working from home, assisting in their children’s online learning.
• Parents searching for good childcare in the midst of shortages.
• Siblings at each other after months of trying SO HARD to get along.
• College age children wondering what happens next.
• People cooking every meal at home, possibly for the first time.
• Bills piling up as a partner experiences unemployment.
• Status of the job “up in the air” as the pandemic forces business closures or changes.
• Death of a relative or friend, perhaps more than one.

I had the opportunity to lead a number of organizations through mergers, consolidation, or acquisition by other companies. I found these times to be particularly stressful for employees, for some of the same reasons as the pandemic, because the changes affected employees and their families. When changes at work or at home reach into people’s pockets, hearts, and the lives of their loved ones, the stress is undeniable and its impact cannot be ignored. Ethical leadership calls for leaders to do what they can to support employees who are under stress and to leverage tough times to help build stronger relationships and more empathy for others.

One of the key components to supporting employees is learning to be a good listener. Sometimes you do this in order to provide perspective or counsel on a problem. Sometimes listening is provided to help mediate issues among conflicting parties. Sometimes information gathering is the key motivation. But during times of extreme stress, I would argue that leaders should listen…..just to listen. This is called empathetic listening. Employees don’t need us to give them advice on their homelife, or their children. They don’t need us right now to tell them how to get along with their peers during those endless Zoom meetings. They need our ears and our minds, unjudging and caring, empathic and understanding…. Just…. listening. Anything less, they will likely perceive as self-serving, insincere, or just not fully about them.

So how do we ensure authentic, empathetic listening? Most of all, it requires your full attention. Minimize distractions, no matter what the setting. If it’s an in person, a phone call or Zoom call, turn off all other electronics, close your door, and ensure that you will not be interrupted. In order for the employee to feel heard, they will need to know that you understand what they were saying, so ask clarifying questions. Look for clues and nuances in their tone or body language. Repeat or paraphrase what they said and ask if you heard them correctly. Ask them to tell you more about the situation or the story. Let them know that you care about them and what is happening in their life. (This is not the time to share YOUR similar story or co-commiserate.) Use silence as a means of honoring the importance of what they are saying, with a gentle nod or eye contact as reinforcement. Finally, ask if there is anything you can do to help and support them. Although your role as an empathetic listener is not to solve a problem, you can certainly offer concrete help, if you do possess a means of assisting them.

So, what can this type of listening do for us and for our organizations? Honing your skills as an empathetic listener builds your own character and capacity for ethical leadership by helping you tune into the thoughts and feelings of others, and to learn how it feels when you put others first, especially when they need it most. Empathetic listening also builds stronger relationships and trust, and it sets the stage for more of the same. When a leader uses listening effectively, it models the behavior for others, building a more trusting environment for all.

At Ethical Leaders in Action we believe that most, if not all people, can develop themselves to play leadership roles in many different spheres both large and small. The foundation of this development process is a short but powerful list of virtues which can be developed and improved through conscious effort. For more information feel free to take the Virtues of Ethical Leadership Self Inventory (VELSI) which breaks these virtues down into features that can be individually developed. The results of the VELSI come with a quick reference guide to help you understand how the virtues and their individual features fit together. https://ethinact.com/velsi/

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