Father’s Day

My father, Maher J. Weinstein, died of cancer almost 17 years ago. I think of him every day.  Maher was a lawyer by profession, but a teacher by disposition.  He was also a remarkable human being, who enjoyed the hell out of his own life, while he enriched the lives of those around him.

I was in my mid-20’s when my father died.  At times I feel fortunate to have had an adult relationship with him, however brief, and to have learned from him throughout my early life.  Other times I feel utterly robbed.  This afternoon, Cathy and I took the kids panfishing.  It was a perfect moment for my own parents to have enjoyed, but for their untimely deaths.

In my situation, I feel certain that Maher would have dismissed the matter of fairness  – “The Fair is on Como Avenue once a year,” was a quote we heard more than once – and focused on the positive.  His fishing acumen left much to be desired, but on matters of attitude and perspective, my father was a master.  He knew how to live in the moment, and especially how to find humor, comfort, and pleasure in the things he could control.  He laughed early and often, and told even the moldiest jokes with infectious enthusiasm.  Thick steaks and excellent Scotch – or sausages and cold beer, in accordance with his circumstances – were also among his go-to pleasures.  In his honor I have cultivated an excellent relationship with a local butcher shop, and I respect their skill and commitment as much as he would have.

Maher respected and enjoyed people, not merely for their skills.  He embraced respect as an ethic: everyone is entitled to respect, and respect is not to be confused with affection.   He looked down on the cruel, the scuzzy, and the crooked – but just about nobody else.  As a lawyer he tended to help people solve problems and, when possible, to resolve conflicts and rebuild relationships.  He cared more about helping people than he did about getting paid.  While there was certainly some financial cost to some of his professional choices, there was also a much deeper payoff: I am certain that he enjoyed helping people by applying artfulness, intellect or insight, much more than he enjoyed any corresponding fees.

Finally, from my father I learned that nearly everyone has something to teach us.  He listened, he asked questions, and he collected and shared stories.  By the same token, one of the greatest pleasures of my work is the opportunity to learn from others.  Sometimes this comes directly through active listening.  Often, we learn together through collaboration over time.  People, in turn, tend to take pleasure in being listened to, and in learning together.  Many, perhaps all of us, hunger to be respected and appreciated.  Learning is ultimate win-win interaction.  On my best days, I take great pleasure in learning from others specifically because of all that I learned from my dad.

Happy Fathers Day!