Actions and Words: Loud and Clear

This post is an excerpt from my book “Thinking Aloud.” I am continually reminded of the challenges presented in this essay in the work I do with leaders and and in my own life and work. I hope you enjoy the essay – and perhaps introduce the questions below as a way to start conversations with your teammates. – CAW

It is often said: “actions speak louder than words.” It is one thing to support an effort with words, and another to contribute our time, our energies, or our resources. A sincere apology can constitute very important words, helping to heal and strengthen relationships after we do harm. But if that apology isn’t supported by action, then words are not enough. Actions have spoken loudly.

On the other hand “loud” isn’t always “clear.” How often are actions alone misunderstood? How often does someone take the wrong action because we have not shared critical information like our needs, our wishes, or our intent? Actions without words can be risky, even reckless.

The truth is, we need both actions and words, especially as we work together on teams. We need words to guide and explain our actions, and we need actions to make good on our commitments and to realize our intentions. I am sure that none of this is surprising. Why, then, do some teammates so easily misunderstand one another?

Often, I think, our misunderstandings arise because we don’t take the time to connect with one another, to discuss what actions ought to be taken, and to agree upon who will do what, when, and how. I have been working with one leadership team and much discussion has centered on its members’ tendency to misunderstand, and ultimately mistrust, one another. They describe a deep frustration that has been building over the course of several years. At the heart of it, I think, is a pattern of misunderstanding actions and their underlying intent, in the absence of adequate conversation.

There’s evidence to support this explanation. Participants note how often they leave a meeting with widely varied conclusions about what had been decided. Everyone may take action – in different directions. Each one of them remembers being angry with someone because of something he or she did, and not addressing it because they believed that the person in question “had to know what he was doing and that it was wrong.” Often, of course, that was not the case. No wonder they are resentful.

The solution may be simple, if not easy. What would happen if we took the time to be explicit about the decisions we make together and the commitments we exchange? If we addressed problems as they occur? If, when we were not able to honor a commitment we made, we notified the affected parties as soon as possible, revised our commitments, and took it upon ourselves to mitigate any harm we caused? It is easy to imagine how much, and how quickly, teamwork could improve.

Conversation Starters:

Let us take the time to thoughtfully align our words and actions.

Can you think of a time when you misinterpreted someone else’s actions? An instance when your actions were misinterpreted?

What happened, and how might it have been avoided?

When working on a team, do you pause to make sure that everyone is “on the same page?”

At Ethical Leaders in Action we believe that most, if not all people, can develop themselves to play leadership roles in many different spheres both large and small. The foundation of this development process is a short but powerful list of virtues which can be developed and improved through conscious effort. For more information feel free to take the Virtues of Ethical Leadership Self Inventory (VELSI) which breaks these virtues down into features that can be individually developed. The results of the VELSI come with a quick reference guide to help you understand how the virtues and their individual features fit together. https://ethinact.com/velsi/

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